


Chapter 20

by AOTpainlol



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lesbian Character, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, One Shot, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29561223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOTpainlol/pseuds/AOTpainlol
Summary: Short story about letting the one go, she loved the most.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss & Ymir, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Chapter 20

It's 3 in the morning, and as always I'm sitting in my bed, next to my lover who fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

Currently, I'm trying to finish this book I bought earlier today. It was Ymir's most recent one that was going to complete the series 'Love for both'.

The story is pretty simple but it caught many hearts around the world, which caused her to become a well-known author in a very short time.

Thinking about her made me remember the first time we met. It was autumn, the leaves covered the streets with pretty colors and the cold air brushed against my skin. 

Back then, Collette and I were her biggest fans since her first release. We were walking around and, we were lucky enough to recognize Ymir in her big coat and her bright red scarf that was covering half of her face.

I remember Collete screaming: "Ymir!?" and running towards the startled woman.

To my suprise, we had a nice conversation about her book. Apparently she was struggeling with her story and hoped to find some inspiration in the city.

"You two are girlfriends?" She asked when we decided to chat somewhere nearby.

"Yes! And we met because of you!" My girlfriend squealed while grabbing my hand a little tighter.

It's true, we did meet because of Ymir. It was 3 years ago and both of us were standing in front of the bookstore, which was closed. Somehow we started laughing and out of nowhere, I felt a connection with Collette. After talking about Ymir and her book I assumed Collette could have a liking for girls, just like me. Well, I was right or she wouldn't be laying next to me right now.

"So what was your inspiration to write about lesbians?" Collette asked.

I could see Ymir's eyes widen a little. She took a sip from her green tea and just smiled. "My girlfriend who passed away a few years ago."

I remember the pain in my throat. I could never imagine losing Collette, even thinking about it now, makes me tear up.

"Ah, I am sorry.." Collette said as she looked away.

Ymir didn't look sad though, actually I can't remember what kind of face she was making. Now thinking about it, I can't remember how her voice sounded like. Is it really been that long? Ah I can't remember. Will I also forget how she looked like?

Why can't I just forget her? Why do I want to know how she's feeling all the time.. 

Ymir, do you also think about me?

Why can't I just let you in the past that I want to forget about.  
Is it because we share a secret? Or because you called us soulmates.

Sometimes I wish I never had met you, can you forgive me? If we had never met, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you, I wouldn't be thinking about you..

I'm never telling Collette. I'm never telling her how I held your warm hands that caused to soften your expression, and how your hands would caress me untill I fell asleep.

How I wanted you to stay with me, forever..

Am I a bad person? Selfish, maybe? I know it's not fair, but I can't help it.

"You love Collette, don't you?" That question still causes the tightening in my chest. I do love her, but more than I love you? I can't answer that question.

Would things have been different if I had told you: "Yes, I love her, very much. And I regret taking your hand."

You told me to forget about you and to give my entire heart to Collette. "You guys make me believe that somewhere, my lover is waiting for me."

You did love me, right Ymir..?

I still remember and will never forget what you said before closing that door: "Some of us are not meant to be." 

  
I waited so long in front of that door, for you to come back. Maybe I wasn't ready fot it yet. Maybe I wanted one more hug, one more kiss. Maybe I just wanted to hear a "goodbye". I don't know, today still, I yearn for your touch.

I realize that I have been crying when I felt my tears stream down my neck. Quickly, I wipe them away and turn the page. It was the last chapter.

Chapter 20 There, that place where I loved you the most

As soon as I saw the title, I thought of the bench in front of the dried lake. That place, where we confessed to each other without using any words. That place where you held my hand. That place where you talked, endlessly about love and fate. That place where we closed our eyes but still felt each other.

Ymir, were you just lying? I don't think you were, after all, after I met you, it felt as if I met my other half. 

  
Chapter 20, looks like a love letter. Written for me. Actually, this entire book or even the last 2 books were perfectly describing our simple story. I just had realized that. Not that it matters, maybe the last book was meant to be our goodbye?

Reading it makes my heart race. I am fully awake and crying. Crying because you hadn't forgotten about me.

"My love for you, I can't describe it. But don't you ever forget, my love for you is endless." I caress the words with my fingertips. So beautiful, so fragile. Such words, I'm sure you could get anyone's heart with them.

Ymir, I still wonder what would've happened if you chose to stay with me. It wouldn't work would it? After all, I am not your other half, even though you're mine.

Chapter 20 ended with: "I will see you there again, and embrace you for the last time. Our final goodbye."

The story didn't end how I wanted it to end. I wanted the two women to be together and happy forever. Maybe, that's how I really feel about Ymir and me..

Without any other thoughts, my body got out of bed, I leave the bedroom and put my long black coat over my nightgown. I leave the apartment and start running to that place where I loved you the most. I don't expect you to be there, but I hope to see you, just for the last time. Foolish of me? Maybe, but I'm not embarrassed. I just want to see you one more time.

It is autumn, almost winter. The cold air stabs my lungs everytime I take a breath. The weather makes my eyes tear up. I can't feel my hands but that's okay, because you will warm them up for me.

Finally I am standing in front of that dried lake. The memories I had almost forgotten, I remember them all again. Everything is still how it was before. The lake, the bench, the lights that'd lit up every night.. There is something missing though, someone. You aren't here Ymir. 

I thought you'd be here, waiting for me. You'd kiss my right cheek as you rested your forehead onto mine.

My hands, they are still cold. I was silly to think that you'd be here. It would be a perfect ending of this story wouldn't it? Now I realize, that our story ended when you closed that door. I should've stopped thinking about you after I returned to Collette. But I never did, I couldn't, and I don't think I'll be able to.

Maybe one day.

"Historia?" I recognize that voice. It is hard to breathe, slowly I turn around. Her brown curls are resting onto her pale shoulders, a face full of concern. Her cheeks red because of the cold. She was the one willing to wait for me.

"Collette." I breathe out.

"Let's go home." She says, while stretching her arm, telling me to grab her hand.

I start walking towards her, even though I am not ready to leave. But as soon as I hold her hand, her warmth covers my body. I just had realized, she will be the one keeping my hand warm and never let go. She would wait for me, even when I am chasing someone esle.

I take off my coat to cover her body but she stops me and smiles.

"I will be waiting for you too, you know." She whispers.

My eyes tear up, yes I know you will Collette.

On our way back home, to our small apartment, we didn't say much, I also didn't look back. This was my final goodbye.

Our story finally ended and mine just had started.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. I wasn't sure if I wanted to share this story but here it is.


End file.
